Firsty Firsts

Today was a big day.

I was almost as proud as the day I saw them perfect the perfect sunbathe.

Second only to the day I saw them execute a perfect sunbathe.

Today, William started Year 1 (first grade), Penelope started Pre-Reception (pre-K), and I started knitting.

To be clear, I didn’t actually start knitting, yet.  I just started working for an exciting young e-commerce company that happens to sell knitting supplies.  Since I’m like the craftiest person ever, this is obviously a perfect fit.

I’ve been ruminating on a lot of things that popped up over the summer: European road trips with kids often involve people shitting themselves in the French version of McDonald’s (which, by the by, is absolutely no classier than its American counterpart)! No newly-3-year-old needs 60 people at her birthday party! Flying across the Atlantic alone with two kids is hell, even if you don’t have a hangover!  Girls’ trips are necessary for mental health! Ditto for college friends!  except those can be damaging to your physical health!  Being the new kid, whether as an awkward 3rd grader at a new elementary school or as an allegedly experienced executive at a hot newish start-up, is supes awkward and emotionally exhausting! What the fuck is with this new thing about only using one space after a sentence?! I can’t even with that, my overuse of exclamation points takes up enough of my grammar time! (can’t touch this)

Keep an eye out for those literary gems in the near future.

In the meantime, I wanted to commemorate some pretty big accomplishments that we’ve racked up over here (read these like a Christmas newsletter):

William, age 5 and 3/4, is a super soccer star!

IMG_4499

Always on his toes, even when he’s just trying to balance his foot on a motionless ball in the middle of our kitchen.

On his spring extramural soccer team, William racked up three medals and one trophy for being super good at passing.  Then, just last week at his school’s summer soccer camp, he was one of only two kids to win a second, special certificate in addition to the weak-ass certificates they give everyone just for showing up.  In this case, his certificate was for being a fucking awesome goalie.

That's literally what the award said, these Brits are so vulgar.

That’s literally what the award said, these Brits are so vulgar.

Poppy, age 3, is showing some pretty exceptional skills during coloring time!  Both her teachers last year and her new teachers claim that they have never seen a child color as meticulously and accurately as she does:

She's probably going to shiv that teacher who spelled "Penelope" with a "y".  As soon as she learns how to read.

Exhibits A, B & C. FYI, she’s probably going to shiv that teacher who spelled “Penelope” with a “y”, just as soon as she learns how to read.

But not only does Poppy insist on excellence from herself, she also insists on it from her peers.  Whenever she completes her latest masterpiece, she wanders the classroom, berating other children for not “col’ring prop’ly”.

She takes that shit seriously, yo, and she will not abide (NOT abide) anybody phoning it in.  Will she be the next Bob Ross, or a humorless German headmistress adept at wielding her ruler?  Only time will tell.

I don't want to say that she was holding that lion there under duress, but...

I don’t want to say that she was holding that lion there under duress, but…let’s just say she wasn’t the only one to soil herself during our short trip to Target.

Mom, age wouldn’t you like to know? Winky face ;), just spent a week floating on air because the summer soccer camp teachers told her that she makes the BEST lunches out of all of the other moms!

I wish that was a joke.  I still feel giddy when I think about it, and how sad those other loser moms must have felt.

I wish that was a joke.  I still feel giddy when I think about it, especially when I think about how sad those other loser moms must have felt.

Dad, who doesn’t look a day over 30, kept the kids alive for an ENTIRE weekend while mom was off with her single friends.

Through no fault of his own, let me tell you.

Through no fault of his own, let me tell you.

Best summer ever!!!! xoxoxo 😉 🙂 xoxo

 

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One thought on “Firsty Firsts

  1. It takes the best wife, the best Mom, the best daughter, the best sister, the best niece, the best friend, the best and funniest writer to make the best kids in the world and that is why your kids win all the trophies and all the praises because they are the best kids in the world!!! Love and miss you guys. (Hope I didn’t leave out a best:)) PS. It has always been one space in publishing – sorry. Love and kisses.

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