Operation WAHM (Work at Home Mom), Field log, 1/6/2014
00:00 – 01:30: Continue ongoing anti-terrorism measures first launched at 23:00 on the prior day in response to a solo operator who would NOT STAY IN HER GODDAMN ROOM.
03:35: Abandon “Do not negotiate with terrorists” plan in favor of “infiltrate the terrorist nest” plan. Training on space conservation would have been useful, given decided lack of space in bunk bed filled with 4 active terrorist limbs and 17 sacred teddy bears.
03:35-05:35: Terrorists launch Water Torture 2.o: brief bouts of sleep punctuated with repeated requests for water even though, c’mon, you guys can totally reach this water! I SPECIFICALLY put it on a shelf directly above each of you so that you wouldn’t have to wake me up!! What is wrong with you?! Do you hate sleep?! Do you hate me?!
06:35: Alarm goes off, and is immediately disabled.
07:15: Awakened by sound of splashing or running water. A quick reconnaissance shows older terrorist hunched over bed, vomiting violently.
07:25: In the biggest win of the day, discover that all vomit was absorbed by towel that had been strategically placed under fitted sheet several weeks earlier to address a previous middle of the night urine incident and, clearly, forgotten. Towel permanently retired but commended for valiant service.
08:00: Terrorist #2 succumbs to same fate as terrorist #1. With unexpected agility, makes it to the toilet in time. Kudos, my opponent; kudos.
08:01-12:00: Couch cuddles! (plus several…digestive incidents)
12:01-13:30: Cancel dinner plans; cancel sitter; cancel scheduled conference call. Bang out day’s work in 45 mins. Think about cleaning; immediately abandon idea.
14:00: Upon completion of lunch duties, retire to couch for remainder of day. Issue simultaneous, contradictory prayers that I: (1) don’t get this stomach flu and, (2) get a *little bit* of this stomach flu, because there is nothing like a good stomach bug to shave off 10 pounds, easy.