We’ve just gotten back to the flat from a flight that was transcontinental, transatlantic, and replete with a stop in a dazzling foreign locale (kisses to you, Minneapolis!). It was simultaneously uneventful and psychologically scarring, as is most travel with little kids. It always starts like this:
And slowly devolves until they’re streaking a public place:
We spent the holidays at my in-laws in Seattle. The night before we left was New Year’s Eve (helpful travel tip: adding two hangovers to the previously mentioned flight was a really, really shitty idea). Before everyone went off to their various parties, the whole family came together to enjoy my mother-in-law’s famous pasties. (Pronounced “pass-tees”, NOT “pay-stees” you pervert.) She let me help make the pasties, though I’m sure I was just about as helpful as Poppy is when she insists on screaming “MEEXA MEEXA!!!!” while violently splashing egg mixtures around my kitchen with a fake kid’s spatula.
We also all shared what we were hopeful for in 2014. I think that is such a lovelier, more user-friendly version of the standard New Year’s resolution. After all, if a resolution fails, it’s because you SUCK at things – how the hell do you call yourself an adult when you can’t even manage a simple thing like working out everyday and being a better mom and a better wife and a better daughter and not biting your nails and cleaning your house more and going to church?
But hopes? Hopes are ephemeral, and lovely, and carry absolutely no sense of shame or guilt when not realized (unless you are the Obama administration). If a hope fails to pan out…well, what can you do?
On that note, I put together my top hopes for 2014. These are micro hopes; you won’t find a single international peace wish here, unless you count #12. But maybe by writing them down they have a better chance of panning out. And if not? Eh, so it is.
- Be the BEST me. I may not be fully up to speed on the latest time/space continuum theories, but I’m pretty sure there’s only one me existing in any particular moment on this particular plane and space. So, in each moment, I am the best me, simply by virtue of having no other competitors. SCORE! Number 1 resolution crossed off the list.
- Paradoxically, be less of me. Love handles? You so 2013.
- Water, drink more; alcohol, drink less; pear cider, drink none. Seriously, Shane has been trying to make pear cider happen since we moved here. IT IS NOT HAPPENING.
- Be nicer. Being kind to others is my number one goal but from time to time, I am a bit testy. I’d like to stop that in 2014. Unfortunately, in the first 12 hours of Jan 1 I managed to: yell at three British backpackers who I thought were trying to butt in line at the Delta check-in counter; give Will such a mom stinkeye that he cried; and be a huge see-you-next-Tuesday to my husband because, I don’t know, he didn’t use the right sippy cup for chocolate milk? We’ll work on this one.
- Cook more. I feel like I’m really, really good at heating things up. I’d like to expand on this a bit in 2014.
- Burn my fingers less. Is there ANYTHING more painful and misery-inducing than a minor finger burn? It ruins my day. I want that to happen less in the next 365 days.
- Be less douchey, in the “foodie” sense. The whole hipster-yuppie-foodie scene is unbearably insufferable but so incredibly easy to fall into. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve “mmmm”ed and “wow”ed over things that I didn’t really find that exceptional just because I felt like I was supposed to. So this year, I don’t want to fall prey to the emperor’s new clothes thing. If I find a salad composed of pomegranate and pork belly doused in cow fetus roe offensive, I won’t pretend like it’s the most transcendental eating experience I’ve ever had.
- Eat a cronut.
- More books. Less iPhone.
- Be a better mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, daughter-in-law, etc. It would probably be useful to add some action-items here. But wouldn’t that ruin the surprise?
- Better health and more time with all of my loved ones. My parents, my aunts and uncles, my brother, my cousins, my best friends. I want to see them all more in 2014, and I want them to be healthy. Mostly because I love them, but also because it’s icky to hang out with sick people.
- Fewer international incidents sparked by the axis of evil, especially those involving my in-laws. Basically, I just hope my mother and father-in-law come back from their leisurely spring tour of Iran and North Korea in two pieces (one for each of them).
- Write more. Turns out? I really like this whole writing stuff about shit and stuff! So maybe I will try to do more of that in 2014.