Oh, the plans I had for myself when I found out that I would essentially be a stay-at-home mom for at least the first few months of our time here! I was going to be Betty Crocker, Martha Stewart, Donna Reed and Melissa Gorga, all wrapped into one. Instead I’m more like a weird combo of Betty Draper, Martha Stewart during her prison stint, Donna Martin that one season when she was a total loser and, well, Melissa Gorga (because, let’s be honest, b*tch be crazy). The ways in which I am falling short are many…
“Sometimes…we don’t want to feel like a postmodern, postfeminist, overstretched woman but, rather, a domestic goddess, trailing nutmeggy fumes of baking pie in our languorous wake.” ~ Nigella Lawson
MY VISION: I would cook amazing meals for breakfast and dinner, and prepare delicious snacks for the children to come home to.
MY REALITY: I don’t think Poppy has consumed anything except raisins since we got here. I tried to make cheese and spinach flautas for dinner tonight and William literally gagged when he took a bite.
“A home should be a distillation of your interests, of who you really are. If you’re happy with your life, your space will reflect that.”—Designer Rafael de Cárdenas
MY VISION: I would spend my spare time poring over old issues of Domino that I’ve hoarded, new issues of Elle Decor that I’ve picked up and Pinterest boards that I’ve carefully searched to create a beautifully appointed home that would serve as a soothing respite for all of us from the stress of moving to a new country.
Good order is the foundation of all things. – Edmund Burke
MY VISION: Our home would be sparkling clean and organized, with everything in its correct location at all times.
MY REALITY: Poppy had to wear a dirty sweatshirt to picture day because I didn’t do the right pile of laundry.
Life affords no greater responsibility, no greater privilege, than the raising of the next generation.
— C. Everet Koop, M.D.
MY VISION: I would finally have the opportunity to be an involved parent, providing all of the emotional, spiritual and physical support that my children need.
MY REALITY: I was late picking up the kids from school last week because I wanted to see how “The One After Joey & Rachel Kiss” ends.
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. – William Makepeace Thackeray
MY VISION: The children would relish this extra time with me, and would feel a renewed sense of security having their mother serve as their primary caregiver.
MY REALITY: When I asked Will to describe me in one word he said “Mean and bad.” When asked to elaborate, he said “You yell and you’re mean and you talk in a mean voice.”
For a man wins nothing better than a good wife, and then again nothing deadlier than a bad one. – Hesiod
MY VISION: I would bother Shane for NOTHING. I would take care of all matters related to house and home, so that he could focus on providing for our family.
MY REALITY: I call him more than I did before, to report things like, “I just put together that wardrobe we ordered? And I followed the instructions? And when I tried to turn it upright? IT FUCKING COLLAPSED ON ME AND NOW I’M CRYING ON THE COUCH.”